With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
