he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
