epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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