Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
