In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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