so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
