You can't special order awesome
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
