So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
