Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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