so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Welp...herpes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
