didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
