God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
