I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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