I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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