I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
