you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
