Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
