i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
