I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
