What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
