I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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