M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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