My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
