there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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