I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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