never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
