well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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