a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
