the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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