How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
