hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
