I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
