I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
