my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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