i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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