awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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