Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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