look no pants
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
