I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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