The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
