Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
