can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
