her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
