And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
high people should be assigned attendants
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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