You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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