just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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