The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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