it wasn't lemon gatorade
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They took my balls.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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