I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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