i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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