Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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