Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
