there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
