I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
